Tantrums

They aren't always what they are cracked up to be.. Advice from Dr. Lawrence Cohen.

Before you can start to deal with your child's meltdowns, it helps to know a bit about the main causes of tantrums, some of which may be surprising.
Emotional Overload
Tantrums are the physical release of an overload of emotion--usually frustration, but also anger, grief, fear, or happiness. When kids just can't handle all that they are feeling, they let it out in tears or screams or in kicking and pounding on the floor.
Stress
Being in an adult environment is one of the most common stressful situations for kids. Some children have no trouble adapting to an adult environment and being on their best behavior, but other kids find it a strain not to be able to be loud or active or free.
Contagious Anxiety
Children are very emotionally perceptive and can "catch" our anxiety. If you are already on the edge, the child may pick up on these feelings and begin venting.
Lack of control
Sometimes a temper tantrum can seem like a child's only source of strength or the only way to protest the unfair imbalance of power. What looks to us like a child "trying to get their own way" is often really the child trying to have some say in their own lives.
A 5-Point Plan to freedom from tantrums
1. Change Your Goal. Our goal usually is to stop tantrums as soon as possible or prevent them from happening. These goals are bound to be a disappointment; encouraging the children to express their emotions a much better goal. That way, there won't be such a backlog of unexpressed feelings that come pouring out. To help kids express their emotions constructively, try pillow fights, drawing wildly on giant pieces of paper, and dressing up together and acting out different feelings.
2. Change Your Approach. Listen respectfully, even if your child isn't being respectful himself. Just calmly listen without arguing, bribing, or scolding. And listen for the deeper feelings underneath the words. Then, when they are really done, they can talk calmly about the little upset that triggered that outpouring of emotion. When the child realizes that you are willing to really listen to her feelings, it will forge a stronger connection between you. And once you decide to listen empathically to the upset child your own mood will shift from anger and frustration to calm confidence.
3. Learn to set limits without harshness and without waffling.Setting limits and saying "no" is often the trigger for a tantrum. But your mood and tone of voice when saying "no" can make a huge difference. Caregivers need to set limits, but we don't have to use an angry tone or be harsh about it, and we shouldn't back down as soon as the child makes a fuss. We can be matter-of-fact and firm, while recognizing that the limit may be very upsetting to our child.
4. Find out what's really going on.Ask yourself some questions: What was your own emotional state before the tantrum began? Did your anxiety or stress feed the child's frustration? Are there things that the child has been trying to communicate to you that they might think are not being recognized? If so, let your child know that you're willing to listen--and remember that for younger children, "listening" means getting down on the floor and playing.
5. Make a Lasting Connection. Any technique that stops a tantrum but also puts a big wedge between us and our children is no help at all. We need strategies that help kids learn to manage their feelings while maintaining a close and loving connection between guardian and child. Some kids love to thumb through magazines and tell you what each person is feeling, or make sad or smiley faces and then make up a story about these faces. Games in which kids get to be the boss, like Simon Says and Follow the Leader, help them have a sense of control, which helps prevent tantrums.

Lawrence J. Cohen, Ph.D., is licensed psychologist who specializes in children's play and play therapy. He is the author of Playful Parenting: A Bold New Way to Nurture Close Connections, Solve Behavior Problems, and Encourage Children's Confidence.

Fruity Oatmeal Smoothie

Got the Munchies? Try This Healthy Recipe.

Super breakfast or afternoon snack attack. Loaded with tons of fiber and vitamins. Eating breakfast and healthy snacking are great ways to lose weight.
Servings per Recipe: 2
Calories: 214
Fat: 4g
Cholesterol: 0 mg
Sodium: 18 mg
Total Carbs: 39.6 g
Dietary Fiber: 6.7 g
Protein: 7.5 g

Ingredients:
1 cup soy milk
1/2 cup rolled oats
1 banana
14 frozen strawberries
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1 1/2 tsp sugar
In a blender, combine all ingredients and blend until smooth. Enjoy!

-YMCA Nutrition

Children who happen to have Autism

Insights into Autism- taken from a presentation by Jonni Segnar


-Use People First Language

Ask "does she have Autism" instead of "is she Autistic?"
"People First Language puts the person before the disability, and it describes what a person has, not who a person is." (http://www.kidstogether.org/pep-1st.htm) For example, instead of saying someone "has a problem with their legs and can't walk," one should say they "use or need a wheelchair;" instead of commenting someone "has behavior problems," one should say they "need behavioral support."


-Interacting with children who happen to have Autism

Ask specific questions: open ended questions are often difficult if the child needs help being verbally expressive. For example, the child may not verbalize the day's events very well when asked "what did you do today?" but he or she may be able to answer a more specific question about their day.

Break tasks into smaller steps: do not say a long list of steps as this may lead to them being overwhelmed. Instead, say one step at a time and praise and reward the child frequently. (Sometimes motivation is necessary and will come from knowing there are rewards when the task is complete.) Over time, work up to saying more steps at a time.

Do not take the child's actions as intentional: lack of social interaction is sometimes part of Autism and one should never take it personally if he or she does not seem interested in what you are doing.

Be very clear with your words: sarcasm and humor are sometimes confusing since he or she may take your words literally.



-Helpful Hints for Babysitting Events with Families with Special Needs

Routine: Cover the general daily routine and tasks to be accomplished with the parents but also go into specifics on how to handle situations like meltdowns, tantrums and transitions. Keeping these interactions specifically in line with how the parents handle things will especially help any children who have difficulty with change of any kind.

Development: Developmental disabilities make every little step and every new thing learned a giant leap forward. Just having a babysitter in their home means the children will be practicing their social interactions. Extra patience, helpful leading and comforting when children are trying new things is especially important for a child who has Autism.

Feedback: Any positive feedback means the world to parents, whether it is left in little notes or included in how the night went. To a sitter, a small step or something seemingly normal may not seem like a thing that needs to be mentioned but those little things symbolize leaps of progress to parents. Raising a child with Autism puts a lot of stress on a family. (There is an 80% to 90% divorce rate in families with children who have Autism.) Positive feedback of any kind, no matter how small, can be a huge encouragement to parents.


[Thank-you to Jonni for providing insights from the perspective of a parent of a child with Autism.]

Happy Holidays!

One of the best times of year as a babysitter is the holiday season. Not only is there an influx of jobs due to holiday parties, but there are so many great activities to do with the kids. The teachable moments never stop between helping toddlers learn that shiny ornaments are just for eyes or helping school-agers understand their classmates varying holiday traditions. There are never ending projects with holiday themes.

Home Made Holiday cards

Glitter, construction paper, glue, crayons, markers, wrapping paper, scissors: all favorites for the craft loving child. These items can be incorporated into making holiday cards for loved ones and relatives. Another idea is to mail the cards to US Military personnel. There are mailing addresses below or http://www.letssaythanks.com/ let's you pick out and personalize postcards online. Then they will mail them overseas for free.

Holiday Mail for Heroes

PO Box 5456

Capitol Heights, MD 2079-5456

(Sponsored by Red Cross and accepting cards only)

Visit the link below if you have care packages and items other than cards that you would like to send out.

http://www.americasupportsyou.mil/AmericaSupportsYou/send_packages.html

Endless Winter Projects and Printables:

http://abcteach.com/directory/seasonalseasons/winter/